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September 8, 2022

A Letter to My Mother

Hi mom,

There was never a time when I didn’t think you loved me. I always knew you did. When you were doing drugs, I was so scared you would never come home, and sometimes when you didn’t for a long time, I fell asleep waiting for you to walk through the door. I hated seeing you nod out when we would talk or have dinner. When you went away to rehab, I was always hopeful you were going to get better. But it only lasted for a short time and then you and daddy would fight again about you needing money. I remember one night the doorbell rang and woke me up. When I went downstairs to see who it was, it was a lot of police officers and you told me you had to leave for a while. They let me hug you goodbye and I remember feeling like never wanting to let go of you. I remember so many times when you would be in bed really sick, I didn’t know it then, but I now know that you were withdrawing. I always checked on you and brought you new cups of water. I knew you would try your hardest not to do drugs anymore; it was like those drugs were as strong as the Incredible Hulk. I remember one time you were in the hospital when I asked you what happened, you said that the paramedics had to use Narcan. I’m old enough now to know that you died and Narcan brought you back to life. This was life’s way of saying you weren’t ready to die. Thank you for always telling me the truth about what was going on. You never lied about the drug use.

Life has been far from perfect, but I always knew you loved me. Some people say that a parent’s love is unconditional and that no parent should have to bury their kids. That’s also true for children. I think my love for you is unconditional and I shouldn’t have to bury you from addiction. I’m so proud of who you are now. You finally believe what I knew all along, that you were better than drugs. In the last five years, we had so many memories, the mother-son dance, the limo for my birthday, flying in a helicopter, and I’ll always remember my wrestling match when I pinned someone for the first time, I looked up, and you were so proud of me. I’m proud of you today for taking control of your life and showing other people that you can live a life without drugs. I’m proud to tell others that my mom overcame addiction, and now she helps other people. I’m most proud to call you my mom.

I love you

Love,

Anthony

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